Saturday, June 18, 2011


Break-up over here refers to the end of romance,or the cessation of an intimate relationship between two individuals who have been together for a certain length of time; long enough to have been considered a couple.It is a very painful episode for both,but much more so for the person who has been dumped.Today more & more youth & teenagers are getting caught in this predicament.Of all the jolts & upheavals that we experience in life,the anguish arising from a broken relationship is extremely severe & unsettling.The one who initiates the split is naturally better prepared to face the aftermath,but the one who has been left behind often finds it difficult to pick up the pieces & resume a normal life.It is a virtual calamity for him/her .

Well,heart-break WILL cause heartache; there is no denying it. The one in whom you deposited all your love & faith, the one who was the anchor of your emotional life, your guiding star ; suddenly decides to back out leaving you lonely & shattered. So heartache is natural. But how much & for how long ? With or without help, most are able to get over it in six months-give or take a few. But there are some who don't WANT to pick up the threads of life again.The will to forget & move on is lacking.They want their ex back,& nothing else will satisfy them.If you are one of them please read on.

Dealing with Negativity
In order to start life anew it is imperative to first get rid of all the negative emotions that are plaguing the mind.A new chapter can be written on a clean slate only.Here are a few guidelines--

1) First sit down & have a good cry. This is not a sign of weakness, God gave tears to both men & women &they serve a purpose too. This will cleanse your mind of pent-up emotions & energize you for further action.

2) Now that your mind is clearer, think--Do you still want your Ex back in your life ?Is there any chance of rapprochement ? If the answer to these questions is "yes" then go ahead & try-but only once.Strictly once! Don't go begging at his/her door time & again.While you are at it,ask him/her why s/he broke off with you so that you can avoid those pit-falls next time.

3)Do you think this breakup was the consequence of some action or inaction on your part ? Do you blame yourself ? Wish that you had behaved differently? Well this is only hindsight. At that moment,in response to the given situation, you said or did what came naturally to you. Now that you know this precipitated a crises you wish you had behaved differently.True. Had you know this would be the result you could have averted the showdown; but how often, & for how long? You behaved according to your needs & perceptions. That is your true nature. You could not have been on guard always. In a nutshell you are not at blame--both of you were on different wavelengths. So it was inevitable that you two should part. Had it been something negligible or remediable you would have patched up. The differences were deep & it is not your fault that you split up. Nip that guilt complex in the bud.

4)Coming to the role of your ex in this event--was s/he two-timing you? Was s/he domineering,selfish, inconsiderate & humiliating towards you? If the answer to these questions is "yes" then you are better off without him/ her. If however it is "no", then you probably think that s/he would have been a perfect soul-mate for you &you will never find a better partner ; which is why you want him/her back in your life. How far you are correct in your surmise only you know. But even if this is true s/he must have had his/her own reasons for backing out. Whatever, his/her motivation, or future plans; stop puzzling your mind over it. S/he thought it in his/her best interest to end the liaison & that's it. For a change look at it from his/her point of view. Give him/her the same freedom of choice which you claim for yourself. This will broaden your perspective & lessen your pain.

5) When one loses something, one tends to remember only the positive aspects--forgetting that it had some drawbacks too. Similarly you are only thinking of the happy times you spent together. This is not at all conducive for a speedy recovery. Instead, remember the times you had bitter fights & arguments.It was not all hunky dory.

6) Are you still feeling angry,confused, sad & humiliated? Your self esteem has probably never been so low as it is now.You want to lash out at someone. O.K,do it. Do it to your diary. Pour out all your anguish in it. You will feel relieved after this.

7) If this is not your style then talk to whomsoever you rely on most--whether a parent,sibling or a friend. Perhaps you want to keep it private? No problem! Seek a counselor & pour your heart out. You will get your catharsis & keep your secret too.Not only this, s/he will hold your hand (figuratively) & guide you through this labyrinth.But all your doubts; all your feelings of anger,jealousy, suspicion, regret, despair &hopelessness must be resolved before you can get on with your life. Only after these ghosts have been laid to rest; can you concentrate on your career, form new ties & find peace in your heart.

Looking For Positivity
Many a times the intellect knows what is right but the heart pulls it in the opposite direction. Likewise, you may have decided to close that chapter & start life anew but her memories keep flooding back. Here are some practical tips to keep them from distracting you--

1) Lock up all his/her gifts,delete the smses & unfriend him/her from your social networking sites. Don't sit waiting for the phone to ring, don't haunt the joints where you two used to hang out, & don't snoop on him/her. Refrain from asking common friends about your ex.

2) However these measures are not enough to keep depressing thoughts at bay. Human mind is never passive. It must think of something. Liken your mind to a guest room & those memories to an unwelcome guest. Now fill up your mind with so many new thoughts that the unwelcome guest has no space to enter. The following suggestions will help you to do this.

3) Almost everyone you meet will tell you to join a class, pursue a favorite hobby or start a fitness regime if you don't already have one. Don't take the last one lightly. Exercise is known to mitigate stress. Yoga ,breathing exercises & meditation are excellent for mental & physical health.Take up once again the activities which you used to enjoy when you were single.These activities will not only help you pass time & keep doleful thoughts at bay;but also perk you up.You will have a fixed goal in front of you,something to look forward to & excel in. But don't fall into the trap of substance abuse.

4) Indulge yourself-treat yourself to a meal you enjoy most,buy something you have always wanted to possess,have  an image makeover or give yourself a nice present as you would to a favorite person.If pleasure has been snatched from you in one area,find it in other areas.

5) Think about your own life & your future plans.This is a time for self-evolution. You  are now free to take up projects that excite you. You are your own top priority once again. You don't need to think how; what you do is going to affect someone else. No more encumbrances. Isn't it great ?You are your own king. No more criticisms or unsolicited advice.

6)Self-realization too,is called for.Analyse the whole chain of events to find out what went wrong.If you committed a blunder you now know what not to do.If the choice of your romantic partner was not suitable then that too can be avoided next time.The purpose behind this is to move to the next level,& not to nurture regrets.Life is a learning process,& every event should contribute to our growth.

7) Spend more time with your family & old friends now that you have more time on your hands. You can share your thoughts with them,even ask for help.

8) Don't listen to sad songs. Listen to soothing gentle music which will lift up your spirits.

In the end , a word of caution. Do not let this whole episode eat into your self-confidence. It is not possible to get along with everyone we come across, or take a fancy to. As intimacy develops individual differences come to the fore & friction results. Don't take it as a personal failure.It makes you no less eligible or desirable.Do not let this betrayal make you wary of the opposite sex too. Socialize,meet people &keep your options open.Take care not to go to the other extreme & latch on to someone on the rebound.Take your time & be prudent in your choice.Meanwhile have a look at this link too
Better luck next time !

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