Tuesday, October 6, 2015

The Good,Bad,Better and Best Half !

The Good Times

The first flush of marriage is good.For most
everybody.Both are at their rosy,syrupy best.Even the extended families can be recognized by the overflowing milk of human kindness.Best clothes,best manners,best behavior;what more could a couple want?Each vies with the other to please and be pleasant.
The Bad Half
Like all good things,this phase comes to an end.The polish begins to wear off.Hidden kinks emerge.They see each other in their true colors.Why do you climb the bed with dirty feet?Change your socks PLEASE!Hang out your towel to dry.You have burnt the vegetable today and yesterday you burnt my toast.Your chapaties are so stiff.My mom is such a fantastic cook,you should learn from her.You can go back to HER !

This is the general refrain after the incubation period ends.The disease is at it's vilest.Expectations crash down to the Down Under.Dreams wither and tempers flicker.A power struggle ensues.Each tries to gain control by playing the blame card.And then there are attempts to fashion the other person according to one's own specifications.If you can live through this phase,your ties are as good as cemented.
The Better Half
Ting tong!The apple of your eye arrives.There is a lot of flurry.A new bond is created.Self obsession gives way to a common obsession.Both sides give in a bit.Can't scream or bang doors when the baby is sleeping--can you?There are more important issues to be taken care of.The childish games of one-up-man-ship are relegated to the background or deferred to a more convenient time(which never arrives).A slip here or a lapse there is ignored.Good old adaptation has made it's entry.Both can truthfully refer to the hitherto ogre as their better half.
The Best Half
Ting tong!Another baby?After twenty years?Nah,this is middle age knocking at your door.The birdie has flown the nest.The original combatants are again face to face.Now what?More sparks?Nah!The heart is heavy with a hollow feeling.There is no inclination to fight.Both try to reorganize their lives once again around each other.

Soon one or both of them retire.Even more of togetherness.Will we see some fireworks now?It has been so long.But no,there is little energy left for a proper ding-dong.I think both have resigned themselves to their differences.And some of them have even been erased to meet at the equator.There is very little impetus to gain the upper hand.

Meanwhile old age slips in without knocking.Infirmity
or disease of one rattles the other.There is a lot of concern,empathy,caring and finally,genuine,unadulterated love.But unfortunately,this is not the proper age to say 'I love you.'

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

The Sunshine Award

Colleen,who blogs at http://thenocturnalflower.blogspot.in/ is a recent blogger friend but her posts are so candid and forthright that I feel as if I have known her since long.Her post about her homeland http://thenocturnalflower.blogspot.in/2015/09/the-prairies-that-whisper-to-me.html is a poem of love-love for a homeland we are often forced to leave.She pleasantly surprised me by nominating me for the Sunshine Award.Thank you Colleen!

The rules for this award are:--
Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to her.
List the rules and put the picture on your blog.
Answer the questions.
Nominate other bloggers and notify them.
Come up with questions for them.

Here are the questions which Colleen asked me:--
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
I am an introvert.
Where in the world are you most drawn to?
To New Delhi,the place where I grew up.
What characteristics in others do you like most?
Intelligence and a sense of humor.
What characteristics in others do you like least?
Dominating and lying.
What area in your own life are you seeking to grow in?
I am trying to perk up my self esteem and confidence.I have gained a lot but I want more :).
Do you have a daily routine?
Oh yes,I have a deadly monotonous routine starting early morning with yoga and ending at 10 pm with Sudoku.An evening walk with friends and a couple of kitty parties in a month are the highlights of my routine.
Since this is a Sunshine Award,what things bring light and sunshine into your day?
When my kids are home for a vacation it is all light and sunshine.Otherwise I take solace from the fact that we are together and in fairly good health. Meeting friends over a cup of tea is always enjoyable.

Now it is my turn to ask questions.I will repeat the first one:-
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
The first item on your bucket list?
Your favorite hobby?
Your strength?
Your weakness?

I would like to nominate the following for this award.I hope they will accept it.

Mridula at http://traveltalesfromindia.in/


Renu at  http://www.renuvyas.com/

Archana at http://drishti.co/

My congratulations to you all for hosting outstanding blogs :)

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

How To Be Mentally Tough

Life is a race--to learn more,be more,get more and zoom ahead leaving others far behind.In this race, sometimes laggards charge ahead of those who had been seen as brilliant,sure winners.It is not credentials,intelligence or even talent;which decide who comes out on top.Rather,it is the quality of mental toughness that marks the winner.

Mental toughness is an amalgam of different qualities like clear thinking,tenacity,self confidence,optimism and fearlessness.If you are blessed with a combination of these qualities then you can achieve much in life--whether it be in the field of education,work,relationships or health.

Mental toughness gives you the strength to cross over hurdles and reach your destination,even when the prospects look bleak.It also gives you the resilience to set aside hurts and disappointments and get on with life.You are better able to resist the temptations which could destroy your health or ruin your personal life.

Many of us feel that we are not tough enough,and miss success for want of grit.We give in to opposing forces instead of fighting them, and this prevents us from attaining the heights we are capable of.Here are some pointers which could help us to get rid of this handicap:--

* Start with a clean slate--rid yourself of preconceived notions,prejudices and other whimsical theories.

*Forget past failures,misadventures and misunderstandings--they will only dishearten you.

*Accept responsibility for your past mistakes--do not look for scapegoats.

*Examine accurately the situation you are in today,even if it is not what you had dreamed of.

*Accept a daunting challenge,the one which is most crucial to your happines--it will help you to evolve.

*Chart your plan of  action and follow it religiously.

*Take calculated risks--nothing ventured,nothing gained.

*Be conscious of your drawbacks at all times,so that they do not jeopardize the results of your actions.

*Be ready for failures--nobody succeeds every time.

*Some people get pleasure from pulling down others--don't let their jabs or jibes discourage you.

*Avoid seeking advice from others--take well thought-out independent decisions.

*Don't let anybody push you around.

*If you don't want to do something,or do not agree with what is being said;have the courage to say no.

*Voice your opinions--they are no less important than what others say.

Mental toughness comes handy in many fields of life but it's best function is to save us from mental disorders.The tough ones do not crack even after major upheavals or traumas.Nothing can keep them down for long.They spring back with minimum collateral damage.

But a word of caution will not be out of place here.Our quest for toughness should not catalyze us into hard rocks--after all murderers too,are tough!Single-minded pursuit of self interest to the exclusion of human sentiments will leave us high and dry.We have to take care that we do not step on others' toes or climb over their shoulders to reach the top.