Saturday, November 17, 2018

Worry-part two

Lives there a man so blessed,
Not a single worry in his head?

Not possible.We have plenty of worries circling in our heads.But do we accomplish anything by worrying the hours away?It is true that worrying about a problem does take us to the solution and also readies us to face an impending crisis;but beyond this it has little value.The tendency to worry about each and every spec on the horizon clouds the mind with fears and apprehensions-often without any positive results.The real problems are best dealt with when they knock on the door;why add fearful thoughts to the tasks which are waiting to be finished today?

Scrapping this habit  can result in a calmer you.Less tensions and more enjoyment.I have covered a lot of ground in Worry-part one,which I will not repeat here.But since this malaise often crosses constructive limits,here are a few suggestions for getting rid of it:
Maintain A Worry Journal
A Worry Journal is an effective tool for cutting down the disquieting spells.Start a worry journal and enter the various worries which stressed you,at the end of the day.Number them.Enter the matter which demands urgent attention at the top.

Next day decide what you will do about worry number one,and do it.Hopefully,that should be one important task accomplished and one worry less for you.Procrastination adds to the worry list and action decreases it.Repeat the same exercise at the end of the day.

On the third day again,attend to what requires your immediate attention,and in the evening jot down the worries which have been troubling you since morning;entering the severest one at the top again.

After a week,look at the various worries which had been plaguing you since you started your journal.Did any issue flare up to destroy your health, peace,performance or concord?How many were mere storms in a tea cup?And how many were just flights of your imagination or the result of over thinking?

Also,don't forget to pat your back for having settled some important problems instead of merely worrying about them.
Be More Rational In The Way You Think 
Whenever you feel threatened by ominous thoughts,check them with the ground reality.You may surprisingly realize that what you are fearing is not likely to happen.Or you have the potential to tackle it if it does.
Try To Tilt Your Mind Towards Happy Outcomes
Whenever you find yourself thinking about the outcome of a new development,focus more on the chances of it being good for you.When you know nothing about how it is going to turn out,why imagine the worst outcome?Planning what you will do if a crisis erupts is one thing,but obsessing about it till your equanimity touches the ground is another.
Talk It Out
Talking about what is troubling you with a friend or a family member will clear your mind and decrease anxiety.They may even suggest a way out of your predicament if there is a genuine problem.
Get Active
Instead of sitting and thinking,do some exercise.It will nullify the  ill effects of sitting and ruminating and also divert your mind from baleful thoughts.Yoga and meditation are very good for calming the mind.
Search Your Mind
The best way to tone down your worries is to search for the reason why you fret so much.Are you over-sensitive,pessimistic or ruminative by nature?Do you panic too soon or lack self confidence?Has a past incident jittered you so that you cannot be at ease?Whatever it is;try and get rid of that element which pushes you into the worry valley.          
Be Present In The Present
Neither the past,nor the future is in your hands.Inculcate more optimism in your thoughts and have faith in your own powers.And remember  

Image from google search.    

Saturday, November 3, 2018

#Histrionic Personality Disorder

There are three kinds of people:those who are happy in their own selves and merge into the background even if surrounded by people,those who like company but can also do without it,and those who are happy only when they are the center of attention in any group or gathering.

The last,as you might have guessed,is the histrionic personality.Mostly it is women who fall in this category.All activities of a histrionic female are designed to attract attention and adulation.

She uses her physical appearance to achieve this end.She is always spic and span, immaculately dressed.Her speech is highly theatrical and emotionally charged.She is capable of paying false compliments and making never-to-be-kept promises in order to increase her fan-following.She professes lofty ideals to gain approval but ultimately turns out to be shallow and unreliable.

She is emotionally unstable,extremely self-centered and callous of others' emotions.She is quick to spot competition and will lose no time in undermining her rival or indulging in melodrama to grab eyeballs.In order to safeguard her reign she may even choose to hang out with those who pose no threat to her supremacy.

Her behavior is often inappropriately seductive and voluptuous.She is cheerful and charming,and it is easy to see why people are drawn to her.They are impressed by her charm and she believes she enjoys strong relationships.But when the veneer fades she loses her credibility.As people spot the real person underneath,they slowly distance themselves:making way for the next bunch of gullible souls. 

Dealing with a histrionic personality is very taxing.How long can you continue to feed someone's ego and overlook her lies and underhand ways?The best way is to recognize her tactics and save yourself from being walked over.Walk out if you can but if she is a family member,this too is not possible.All you can do is,avoid being manipulated by her and ignore the spurious stuff. 

It is not easy to be a shining star 24/7.Why does she do it?Maybe early abuse and neglect set her off on this road.Perhaps there is an inner insecurity and not enough confidence in her own worth.She finds it only through others' validation.It is quite pathetic actually.Her life is very glitzy on the outside but inside?Only she knows.

Experts tell us that this is a lifelong condition-it is not possible to cure it.But Talk Therapy can offer relief.An histrionic female may feel depressed but even then she is not likely to seek therapy unless a major life support crumbles.In extreme cases she may indulge in suicidal threats or behavior to grab attention.It is up to those who are close to her,to persuade her to seek psychotherapy.It can ease their predicament to some extent.

Do you know  any histrionic personality closely?Which other characteristics did you spot in her?And how do you deal with her?

"The exact cause of histrionic personality disorder is unknown. Scientists believe it is an outcome of both environmental and genetic factors."
https://www.healthline.com/health/histrionic-personality-disorder#causes

Image courtesy google search.

Saturday, October 13, 2018

The Good Old Days

Is there any specific age at which one begins to reminisce about the good old days?I don't know.I only know that I often dive into the good old days.Not that I have any complaints about my life today.But there are certain phases of life which appear to me to have been just perfect-full of joy de vivre.

We all have good and bad stretches in life.When we are dissatisfied with a certain component of our lives we slip back into an era which we believe was idyllic in every way.But is it really possible?Can life ever be so utopian as to not have a single jarring note?If we dig deeper we will realize that those days too had their own pin-pricks and rifts but we skim over those unpleasant episodes.

Why do we do it?A very strong reason is that some of the people in those memories now exist only in our memories.They have been gone long.Like I said in Something Breakswe just love to relive the moments we had with them.The memories of our family life,old homes or dear friends were so enriching that they have strong connections with our mind and whenever we look back;maybe due to ennui or lethargy,we just bask in the cool breeze of those memories.



Yes,there must have been squabbles and fights too,but with hindsight we realize that whatever the unpleasantness,we too were not entirely blameless and therefore we forget the ugliness and appreciate the good times.

It is easy to go into a nostalgic trance but this can also be a way of disassociating from the present and it's demands.So it is better to stir ourselves and come back to the present.If we give it all we have,some day we will recall these days also as the'Good Old Days'.