Saturday, March 23, 2019

My Favorite Quote

This quote I think,is the best advice anyone could give anyone.None of us is perfect.We have many flaws and weaknesses.We also face many problems-whether in our home or work life.So what do we do?We change jobs,domiciles,friends and life partners.When we are depressed or experience a burnout we are advised to take a break,go on a holiday.

Does any of this give succor?Hardly.What does give relief is when we look inside,see what we are doing wrong and fix it.If our attitudes,expectations,behavior and way of working or relating are the cause of our problems how will changing the externals help us?History will repeat itself.

Suppose I am sick to death of my neighbors.I change my residence but there again I am dissatisfied.Now I need to consider if I am doing something wrong?Does my attitude up their antennae?Am I so feeble that I cannot lay down their boundaries?Or do I take normal friendliness as an intrusion?Whatever my shortcoming,when I fix that,then I will be happy;not only in my home life but also at my work and in my relationships.

So,whenever we are at loggerheads with life it is best to search inside and find the way out.Confucius gave us a golden rule,applicable to each one of us.Amen!!!!!!

image from google search

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Calamity-Worse Confounded

Sanjay was a tall,well built 16 yr old boy when he visited me a few years back.He was referred by two shopkeepers from whom he used to purchase some items because he looked depressed.Mark,neither his course mates nor his teachers noticed this fact.

He certainly looked very depressed.He had passed the 10th board exams from another state in vernacular medium with good marks.He planned to compete for state government jobs after graduation.But his uncle motivated him to come to Kota,join a coaching institute and do B.Tech from an IIT.So he brushed up his English and came here.

He was a bright student and started with a good rank.After a couple of months the boy with whom he shared his room in a hostel hung himself from the fan.It was Sanjay who broke open the door and found him.Naturally he was devastated.As if this was not enough to numb him,his paternal grandfather expired after one week.

He went home and returned after a week.He was in a state of severe shock even after returning.He divulged that he was crying continuously for two weeks.Then one day he opened his note books and found that they were totally blank.He tried to catch up with others but the link had broken and his rank kept slipping.

It was four months after the double tragedies that the shopkeepers had sent him to me.His initial complaint was that his rank at the institute was slipping.Actually,he was in doldrums about his future.He could not decide what to do.He felt lonely and home sick over here;but he feared that if he went back he would be jeered at,his mother would become a laughing stock and his uncle too would be disappointed.At the same time,he did not want to stay on in Kota.

I asked him to tell me about his life before coming to Kota. He told me that his parents were teachers in his home state.His mother taught in the very school from which he had passed out.Earlier,while he was growing up,she had shifted to a hostel to do M.Ed.He was not much attached to her.He loved his father dearly.

His parents were in town when I interviewed Sanjay. His mother wanted him to stay on for five more months after which she would take leave and come to stay with him. Sanjay was not at all keen at this prospect.I advised his parents to allow him some rest,take him back,and decide about his future after the 12th board exams.The mother was not in favor of this even after oblique counselling.In fact even this was spurious because she had seen her son's condition.The father was mostly quiet.

I asked Sanjay to tell me what they had decided and contact me if he stayed back.His parents were to leave Kota on the next day.There was no communication from him after this.Later on,when I tried to follow it up his mo.number was declared as invalid.I hope he is fit and doing well in whichever field he chose. 

Saturday, February 23, 2019

12 Tips to nix #Overthinking

Our thoughts decide how we lead our lives.Every action or reaction stems from a thought.And inaction stems from many thoughts-or overthinking-which implies thinking too much for too long about any problem,event or person.Urban Dictionary describes it as "The art of creating problems that weren't even there."This seems tangy but it is quite true.Overthinking can certainly cause many problems.

When your mind goes round and round in circles about one single factor considering it's various variants,it receives multiple answers.Processing all that information,segregating the truth from chaff,the relevant from the irrelevant and the helpful from the harmful can be very trying.

Naturally this creates a lot of confusion.You swim in a sea of doubts and worries.As you straggle the pinwheel of your thoughts you lose sense of time and may neglect other,pressing matters.Overthinking blocks action,you cannot lead a decisive,progressive life if you are prone to overthinking. 

It also alienates you from others.The tangle of worries makes you irritable and reclusive.You are so immersed in your thoughts that you neglect the people around you.If you think too much about what somebody said or did,you may suspect hidden motives where none existed,and harbor baseless biases in your mind.The more you keep to yourself the more you will be with your thoughts;and the lonelier too.

This is not good for your mental health.You have no peace of mind and your sleep too is disturbed because overthinking is not adulatory in nature.It generates anxiety of course,but it can also devolve into depression or phobias.

There is no doubt overthinking is more destructive than constructive.It's genesis lies in insecurity and lack of confidence.Boosting your confidence  is therefore the best way to nix it.A few practical tips given below will assist you to be more decisive and less hesitant.
Discipline your thoughts
Thinking once,twice or thrice about anything is enough.Overthinking clogs the brain and decreases clarity of thought.
1)Decide how much time you need to come to a decision: 5 minutes,10 minutes or 15 minutes.
2)Don't breach that limit when you have to take a decision.
3)Apply the same rule even when you are merely going over the day's events.
Be active instead of ruminative
4)Our thoughts run wild when we are idle.Choose leisure time activities which interest you so that you do not just sit and think.
5)If you dislike something or do not agree with it,say so at that very time,instead of mulling over it later on.
Avoid second thoughts
6)Since you are an over thinker you are not likely to take a decision without due deliberation,but once you have reached a decision,stick to it.
7)Don't speculate whether it is in your best interest or not,because you have already considered all the pros and cons.
8)And don't worry what others will say about your endeavors either.Have the confidence to do what you believe in.
9)Pay no heed to the naysayers,there are plenty of them.
Live in the present
The present demands your full focus.Thinking of the past or worrying about the future is very often the cause of over thinking.
10)Don't go back to what happened yesterday,day before or even much earlier.
11)Cultivate the habit of putting quick closure to things,things which are likely to haunt you.
12)And don't envisage grey happenings in the future.

These are very small changes but they will take you far.You will be able to scrap over thinking and the associated tensions.Your anxiety will subside and you will progress in life.Even your relationships will improve as people spot the changes in you.In short,scrapping over thinking will prove to be a big game changer for you.