Saturday, December 1, 2018

Self-Acceptance-The Key To Happiness

"The moment you accept yourself just the way you are is surely the moment you find peace".Many of us do not accept ourselves the way we are,which means we are perennially dissatisfied.

Causes of non-acceptance
You are fine as you are
Discontent most often arises from comparisons and comparisons can never be fair since each person is born with a unique package.


Many people feel inadequate or inferior because of the community,family or social stature to which they belong. 

Then,there is Body Dysmorphic Disorder which can be very excruciating.A minor flaw or an imagined one,can adversely affect the whole range of that person's activities or behavior.Today's emphasis on the externals adds fuel to the fire.

Sometimes those who have been exposed to abuse:whether physical,sexual or emotional, also feel uncomfortable in their skin.Abuse makes them feel like the under-dog and they blame themselves for having attracted abuse.

If it was someone else whose personality we disliked we could easily have shunned that person and carried on blithely, but it is the imperfections which we see in our own selves which pain us hugely and prevent us from enjoying life to the fullest.

The image which we build up of ourselves is not merely an image for us but it is what others see us as,because it governs how we work and relate to others.It holds us from realizing our full potential and it is best to change it.

   In order to accept yourself better:
  • Realize:you are a unique mixture of many qualities and skills which no one else is.
  • Recount your plus points-daily if need be.
  • Remember,nobody is perfect.Those who appear to be so,do a good job of projecting themselves.
  • You too,put your best foot forward.Don't be your own adversary.When you disregard your plus points and focus only on your flaws, this is what you are doing. 
  • Which is that quality which gives you an edge over others?Exploit it to the fullest.
  • And which deviation hurts you most?If it is God-given then you cannot change it.Just accept it and be at peace.
  • If that anomaly can be corrected then make it your mission to correct it.
  • Just think of the people who like you-do they not like you as you are?Including the real or imagined peculiarities?
  • Nobody is the living personification of all that is good or completely bereft of what makes a person worthy,except maybe,the criminal psychopaths.
  • Try to fathom from where and when this tendency to think of yourself as being below par,different,not so worthy,arose.Whatever triggered it can be better used as a learning lesson,a guide for future.Forgive yourself for any gaffe or miscalculation committed by you.It is Self-compassion that you need and not self-hate.
Love yourself,accept yourself,and be proud of your good qualities.When you begin to love yourself-not to the point of narcissism mind you-more people will pay attention to you and you will no longer feel inadequate or inferior.Acceptance of self is imperative for growth and happiness.    

If you liked this post you may also like to read the following:

http://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2013/12/raise-your-self-esteem-in-leven-easy.html

https://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2018/01/ten-ways-of-terminating-negative.html

https://jeeteraho.blogspot.com/2015/01/do-you-love-yourself.html
Image courtesy google.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Worry-part two

Lives there a man so blessed,
Not a single worry in his head?

Not possible.We have plenty of worries circling in our heads.But do we accomplish anything by worrying the hours away?It is true that worrying about a problem does take us to the solution and also readies us to face an impending crisis;but beyond this it has little value.The tendency to worry about each and every spec on the horizon clouds the mind with fears and apprehensions-often without any positive results.The real problems are best dealt with when they knock on the door;why add fearful thoughts to the tasks which are waiting to be finished today?

Scrapping this habit  can result in a calmer you.Less tensions and more enjoyment.I have covered a lot of ground in Worry-part one,which I will not repeat here.But since this malaise often crosses constructive limits,here are a few suggestions for getting rid of it:
Maintain A Worry Journal
A Worry Journal is an effective tool for cutting down the disquieting spells.Start a worry journal and enter the various worries which stressed you,at the end of the day.Number them.Enter the matter which demands urgent attention at the top.

Next day decide what you will do about worry number one,and do it.Hopefully,that should be one important task accomplished and one worry less for you.Procrastination adds to the worry list and action decreases it.Repeat the same exercise at the end of the day.

On the third day again,attend to what requires your immediate attention,and in the evening jot down the worries which have been troubling you since morning;entering the severest one at the top again.

After a week,look at the various worries which had been plaguing you since you started your journal.Did any issue flare up to destroy your health, peace,performance or concord?How many were mere storms in a tea cup?And how many were just flights of your imagination or the result of over thinking?

Also,don't forget to pat your back for having settled some important problems instead of merely worrying about them.
Be More Rational In The Way You Think 
Whenever you feel threatened by ominous thoughts,check them with the ground reality.You may surprisingly realize that what you are fearing is not likely to happen.Or you have the potential to tackle it if it does.
Try To Tilt Your Mind Towards Happy Outcomes
Whenever you find yourself thinking about the outcome of a new development,focus more on the chances of it being good for you.When you know nothing about how it is going to turn out,why imagine the worst outcome?Planning what you will do if a crisis erupts is one thing,but obsessing about it till your equanimity touches the ground is another.
Talk It Out
Talking about what is troubling you with a friend or a family member will clear your mind and decrease anxiety.They may even suggest a way out of your predicament if there is a genuine problem.
Get Active
Instead of sitting and thinking,do some exercise.It will nullify the  ill effects of sitting and ruminating and also divert your mind from baleful thoughts.Yoga and meditation are very good for calming the mind.
Search Your Mind
The best way to tone down your worries is to search for the reason why you fret so much.Are you over-sensitive,pessimistic or ruminative by nature?Do you panic too soon or lack self confidence?Has a past incident jittered you so that you cannot be at ease?Whatever it is;try and get rid of that element which pushes you into the worry valley.          
Be Present In The Present
Neither the past,nor the future is in your hands.Inculcate more optimism in your thoughts and have faith in your own powers.And remember  

Image from google search.    

Saturday, November 3, 2018

#Histrionic Personality Disorder

There are three kinds of people:those who are happy in their own selves and merge into the background even if surrounded by people,those who like company but can also do without it,and those who are happy only when they are the center of attention in any group or gathering.

The last,as you might have guessed,is the histrionic personality.Mostly it is women who fall in this category.All activities of a histrionic female are designed to attract attention and adulation.

She uses her physical appearance to achieve this end.She is always spic and span, immaculately dressed.Her speech is highly theatrical and emotionally charged.She is capable of paying false compliments and making never-to-be-kept promises in order to increase her fan-following.She professes lofty ideals to gain approval but ultimately turns out to be shallow and unreliable.

She is emotionally unstable,extremely self-centered and callous of others' emotions.She is quick to spot competition and will lose no time in undermining her rival or indulging in melodrama to grab eyeballs.In order to safeguard her reign she may even choose to hang out with those who pose no threat to her supremacy.

Her behavior is often inappropriately seductive and voluptuous.She is cheerful and charming,and it is easy to see why people are drawn to her.They are impressed by her charm and she believes she enjoys strong relationships.But when the veneer fades she loses her credibility.As people spot the real person underneath,they slowly distance themselves:making way for the next bunch of gullible souls. 

Dealing with a histrionic personality is very taxing.How long can you continue to feed someone's ego and overlook her lies and underhand ways?The best way is to recognize her tactics and save yourself from being walked over.Walk out if you can but if she is a family member,this too is not possible.All you can do is,avoid being manipulated by her and ignore the spurious stuff. 

It is not easy to be a shining star 24/7.Why does she do it?Maybe early abuse and neglect set her off on this road.Perhaps there is an inner insecurity and not enough confidence in her own worth.She finds it only through others' validation.It is quite pathetic actually.Her life is very glitzy on the outside but inside?Only she knows.

Experts tell us that this is a lifelong condition-it is not possible to cure it.But Talk Therapy can offer relief.An histrionic female may feel depressed but even then she is not likely to seek therapy unless a major life support crumbles.In extreme cases she may indulge in suicidal threats or behavior to grab attention.It is up to those who are close to her,to persuade her to seek psychotherapy.It can ease their predicament to some extent.

Do you know  any histrionic personality closely?Which other characteristics did you spot in her?And how do you deal with her?

"The exact cause of histrionic personality disorder is unknown. Scientists believe it is an outcome of both environmental and genetic factors."
https://www.healthline.com/health/histrionic-personality-disorder#causes

Image courtesy google search.