Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Some Habits which Thwart Success

We all want success-whether it be in our relationships or vocation;and work hard to attain it.But hard work does not always result in success-or recognition.Despite our best efforts.Naturally this causes a lot of consternation.We rack our brains,blame this or that factor,but the statusquo refuses to improve.

The reason is very simple-hidden variables are at work.We blame external factors but fail to look within.It is not easy to figure how our habits,attitudes and beliefs translate into our behavior and shape the outcome.Our attributes are capable of forestalling the rewards which could easily have been ours.We think we are doing everything in the proper way but it is difficult to judge ourselves impartially-unless someone else points it out.If this rings a bell with you,let me put some direct questions;the answers to which could illumine dark corners:--

Are you unsure of yourself?
Do you avoid accepting challenging tasks fearing that you will not be able to fulfill that responsibility and only make a spectacle of yourself?

Are you scared of taking a big leap?
Perhaps you like to play safe and believe that one in hand is worth two in bush;but if you had taken some calculated risks you could have been in a higher strata today.

Are you diffident?
Maybe you are so shy that you would rather play second fiddle than be the cynosure of all eyes-even if it was for receiving accolades for your performance.Grow up,will you?

Are you stubborn?
We all have certain drawbacks and our well wishers point them out too,but if we are too stubborn to accept that fact then we shall never progress or meet success.
If it is not about believing that you are perfect and do not need to change your ways then it could also be about sticking to your old,tried,comfortable way of working which you refuse to change.This too,is a major obstacle to personal growth.

Are you a loner?
Loners are at a big disadvantage in this era of networking.We all have different skills and talents and no one person is a master of everything.If you are facing a tough situation in your work or have your hands too full,then taking outside help will relieve you of unnecessary stress and also help you succeed.
Secondly,whether in personal life or career,there come moments when one needs the power of supporters behind him/her.Today a lone person-no matter how right or capable is-will not be given the same recognition as someone who has the force of a group behind him. 
  
Are you very modest?
You might be carrying the full load of an organisation on your shoulders but if you don't talk about it,no one comes to know.It is true that showboats are a pain in the neck but it is also important to let others know about your work and achievements.

Are you facing a crisis in personal life?
Personal issues,anxieties preclude all else from one's consideration so that it becomes difficult to devote the required time and energy to one's work or private life.If a problem is blotting out all else from your mind,it is best to sort it out at the soonest so that you can do justice to other responsibilities.

Are you plain lazy
Well,what can I say to that?You are the best judge!

So if you are disappointed with the the speed of your growth you would do well to introspect and find out where the fault lies.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Depressive Bipolar Disorder ?

It is very difficult to understand the workings of human mind.Some people go through ghastly tragedies,yet gather their wherewithal and start afresh;while someone else may come apart after witnessing an incident which was not even his direct concern.This reality was revealed explicitly to me when Arif visited my clinic Sahyog.
               First visit
Arif,a hefty football player,was 33yr old when he came to me;or rather was brought to me by his elder brother.He suffered from severe depression.So much so that he wept copiously as he sat in my office.
Both he and his brother told me intermittently that his problem started three months ago.He used to be a physical instructor in a modest school at that time but he left the job because of his disorder.
Six weeks ago he had consulted a psychiatrist who gave him in-house treatment for ten days.He was still on medication and though not cured (as you must have gathered );he wanted to stop his medicines.The doctor's prescription stated that he suffered from Depressive Bipolar Disorder.
Initial talks failed to reveal the reason of his depression.I gave him suitable advice and called him back after four days because he needed urgent help,and yet required some time to ingest what I had said.
              Second visit
This time he came alone.He was in a much better frame of mind.He told me that three months ago he had witnessed a ghastly accident after which he could not sleep for four days and thus the problem started.He had still not told anyone about it.
I pointed out that the mere decision to share this experience with me had considerably relieved him and he looked markedly better on that day.Therefore he should try to not keep things cooped up and share his worries with those who loved him.
He told me that he had started going to a stadium and watching children at play.This too had soothed him.I asked him to keep it up,coach them when needed and also take up a job.
               Third visit
Arif looked perfectly normal when he next came,he was even smiling!He told me that his wife and bhabhi(SIL)were very cooperative and he had no complaints on any front.He thanked me for my help and surprisingly,also expressed a desire to join Sahyog.

I guess the doctor diagnosed Bipolar Disorder because he was fine till he saw the accident and absolutely shattered the next.But ten days'stay in a nursing home could not bring out the cause of the disorder.

This case brings to light the necessity of counselling and medication going hand-in-hand.Medicines only give symptomatic relief and do not address the root cause.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

How to Join the Mainstream after Depression / Anxiety.

Recovering from depression or anxiety is no mean feat-it asks for celebration.Only an ex-sufferer knows how relieving it is to be finally rid of this malady.Unfortunately recovery is not the end of the story-or the trial.A lot more needs to be done in order to be comfortable and in sync with the surroundings.This is because the mental disorder must have isolated that person to a large extent.

A mental patient is sad,worried and apprehensive most of the time.This enormously changes his facial expression and body language.For the worse.

Since his thinking as well as his emotions are negative and pessimistic,this  impairs his judgment and consequently his reactions.

Naturally his behavior deteriorates considerably.Being full of his own woes,he does not pay heed to how his behavior impinges upon others.

It is no wonder then,that all these changes must have impelled him to restrict his public appearances and interactions.

Post recovery the patient realizes  fully the import of his disease and the resultant isolation.He knows that he looks odd,not like he looked before the onset of the disease,that he is not as strong as he used to be and also that his behavior must have annoyed many.

These factors obstruct him from joining the mainstream even after he recovers.The passage from neo-recovery to full normalcy can be tough and painful.One needs to make deliberate efforts to mesh once again with the society.Given below are eight mantras which will speed up the patient's rehabilitation.

Take help from those who care for you.
Let them know in which way you want them to assist you.Do you want them to accompany you to a party or the daily morning walk?Perhaps you would like them to go with you on a shopping spree to update your wardrobe or organize a get-together at home?Merely talking to them about the misgivings which bar you from reclaiming your life will also make you feel better.

Do what you don't feel like doing.
Go out even if you feel more comfortable inside your home.Don't avoid looking people in the eye because you anticipate judgmental glances.Their curiosity will subside when they see that you have now recovered.Give it some time.
Start a casual dialogue whenever and wherever possible.Most will reward you with positive responses.Those who do not--it could be because of them and not you.Everybody cannot be expected to be in a cheery mood all the time.So don't personalize such instances.

Go there if you want to BE there.
A secret desire of all mental patients is to be like they were before the down-slide.A simple change in routine can take you there.Remember how you used to jump out of the bed and get busy with the day when all was well?If you want to be like you were in those days ,start doing what you did in those days.It is that simple.
It is true that anxiety and depression deplete energy and enthusiasm.Reverting to your original,hectic routine will appear impossible in the beginning.Start small.As you continue, you will pick up stamina.The joy you get from slowly assimilating with others will automatically add verve to your personality.

Do not be engrossed in your own self all the time.
Depression does this to people.They examine their body,notice how it has changed and worry about every tiny twitch or pain.If you think only about your body,your ailments and your life all the time;many disturbing facts will emerge--facts which have no significance at all,which beset lots of other people too;those whom you consider normal.
Therefore make it a point to refrain from obsessing about your own self and kill this train of thought as soon as it starts.Think about other people,their lives and the challenges which they have to face.Be mindful of your surroundings to the extent that you forget to worry about yourself.

Do not compare yourself with anyone.
If you compare yourself with those who have not been through this travail as you have been,you will definitely find yourself lacking and feel dejected.Don't do this,You are still in the early stage of picking up the threads of life.Instead, compare your yesterday with today.Keep up the tempo and things will get better and better.

Be grateful for what you have.
The tussle with a mental disorder must have been torturous no doubt.But even then,you managed to come out of it.What was it that enabled you to carry on till you recovered ?Was it your family,friends,colleagues,doctors,your 
intelligence or a sound financial backing?Whatever it was--be grateful for it.

Be alert for the triggers which are likely to pull you down.
Stressful events cannot be ruled out of life,but it helps to formulate a method of dealing with them.I have enunciated mine in this post.Whenever faced with a crisis,remind yourself that nothing is permanent and this too shall pass.Positive thinking will protect you from a relapse.

Set a daily goal for yourself.
While you were not at your productive best you must have been absolved of many legitimate responsibilities.Take them up again.Even if you are one of those lucky ones who do not have much on their plate,who do not need to earn a living;find something to occupy you or you will fall back upon excessive rumination.
Decide the previous evening what you want to do the next day.Pursue a neglected hobby,learn something new,organize your files and documents,discard what is not needed,clean up your wardrobe,rectify or discard the defective equipment or gadgets---ah well the list could go on and on,but I think you get my point.


Just keep going and building up your life once again.You did it when you were a tiny babe,you can very well do it today.